You got your DD Form 214, but you’ve lost your identity. Now what do you do?

I’ll never forget my last day in the Air Force (before taking terminal leave, of course). I go to my final out appointment where I sat there for an hour because they were having problems with their computers. The final out appointment took 5 minutes… 

I remember that feeling of relief. I was so happy that I was finally done being in the military. I enjoyed the time that I was in and it gave me many memories. However, I don’t think that life was for me.  I was constantly tired and surrounded by leadership that didn’t give a crap. We were even told, to our faces, that we were replaceable. What a great way to bring moral up.

While I think that I got the shit end of the stick in terms of assignment, being in the military had its benefits. I had health care, a place to live, and food to eat. I got to travel a little bit and experience places I wouldn’t have been able to experience otherwise. I got the promise of getting benefits after leaving the military like the GI bill. 

While those things are great, the military didn’t prepare me for what came after I left. They tried to help with the transition program which helped with financial planning and resumes. But, life after the military is more than just money and work. It’s about finding a new life again, a new identity, a new you.

I 100% struggled with the loss of identity that came after I left the AF. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was in a constant state of wondering who I was and what I was going to do. Even today, 8 years later, I still wonder if I should try to get back in as an officer. That’s how much the military changed my life. But, I’ve been able to find a new me in the midst  and I’ll tell you how you can too.

First off, don’t stress out too much about figuring yourself out. We are all in a never ending journey of change and discovery. Nobody wakes up one day and automatically knows who they are,  what they want to do in life, and then never stray from that path. Life is one continuous struggle for everyone and especially for someone who is currently in a life transition. It’s easier to go with the flow of life rather than try to fight against it. Take your time, relax, and have fun trying to figure it all out.

Try out all the things

If you don’t know what you want to do with yourself, it doesn’t hurt to explore your options. I know that might sound overwhelming and it is. Over the years, I have tried many things to figure out what I want to do. I went to school,  did a swing dancing class, started drawing and 3d modeling, started streaming, played in a drumming group, and started rock climbing. Some of these things worked out, some of them didn’t. The important part is that I tried some different things to figure out what I wanted to do with my time. Take a look at my post about hobbies to find out why hobbies are important and for some ideas.

Stay connected

I’m sure that you made a lot of friends and connections throughout your time in the military. It’s important to keep in touch with those individuals and other veterans in your current community. There’s nothing better than hanging out with others that know your struggle. These individuals can also help you on your journey to find a new you and help you get out of your comfort zone.

Consider furthering your education

Whether it’s going to a university, a trade school, or even Skillshare (not a promoted ad) taking some classes will expand your life experiences, knowledge, and it’ll keep you busy. If you aren’t sure what type of employment you want for your future, consider taking an interest profiler. This will help you figure out your interests and give you different careers based on those interests. Identity is closely related to career and if you’re struggling with an identity, a career may help you find it.

Remember that we all have multiple identities. Service member, veteran, wife, husband, mother, father. Even if you lose one identity, remember that you still have other identities that you can fall back on. You are a veteran so make sure you hold that identity close and don’t let go of it. There is always somewhere that you belong.

Disclaimer: The content provided on this mental health blog is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional advice or treatment. Always consult with a qualified mental health professional for personalized guidance. The blog owner and authors are not responsible for any actions taken based on the information provided on this blog.

If you are in a crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or visit your local Emergency Room for assistance.

Are you struggling with life's challenges, feeling overwhelmed, or seeking a path to personal growth and healing? Whether it be depression, anxiety, life transitions, or general life stress, I'm here to help. You don't have to go through this journey alone. Start your healing journey now – make that call, send that email, or book your first therapy session. Your well-being is worth it, and there is hope for a happier, healthier you.